Lost in the Crowd
by scrumptiousinternetllama
Summary: He was simply another cog in the Ministry machine. He was making no real change, and, more importantly, he wasn't making himself happy.


**AN: Pride of Portree**

 **Beater 1: Write about a next-gen character on the 'Next-Gen Lovin' character list — Louis Weasley**

 **Optional Prompts: (song) 'Mad World' by Gary Jules, (word) invidious, (quote) 'Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.' - Mark Twain**

 **Famous Witches and Wizards Cards Challenge: 2,289 words**

 **Chapter Titles Challenge - Lost in the Crowd**

 **If— by Rudyard Kipling is a poem that I have absolutely fallen in love with and it provided the inspiration for this fic! There will be a stanza separating each scene of the story :)**

Lost in the Crowd

 _If you can keep your head when all about you_

 _Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,_

 _If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,_

 _But make allowance for their doubting too;_

 _If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,_

 _Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,_

 _Or being hated, don't give way to hating,_

 _And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:_

* * *

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please," snapped Louis. Being a Ravenclaw came with its perks: wit.

He didn't see the fist until it connected—hard—with his left cheekbone, slamming his head onto the wooden wall of the train compartment. Louis did his best to stand up and fight back, but it was no use. They always caught him off-guard.

This had all started when Maya Vane had accused him of trying to ask her out. In actual fact, she had been throwing herself at him for the entire year. Jacob, her boyfriend, had been infuriated, but Louis had tried to defend himself in front of the other boy.

At first, Jacob had been fair and asked Maya about it. That was when she spun an entirely new tale about Louis trying to blackmail her into a relationship—she'd cried! Louis would have applauded her acting skills if they hadn't landed him in such an invidious position and ruined his last six months at Hogwarts.

The entire incident had spread around the school like wildfire, of course. Bitter girls and boys that had only fallen for him because of his part-Veela side had made the most of it. But he had been doing them a favour by rejecting them! They would have realised soon enough that they didn't truly love him.

His parents had sounded a bit worried in their last letters to the school; Louis had assured them that his slow responses were due to exam stress. If he had told them that he was too busy avoiding their letters because a girl had falsely accused him of something vile… then they'd probably be _very_ worried—and annoyed.

As the train finally pulled up to the platform, Louis grinned, recognising his parents stood with their arms around each other.

 _Shit._

He needed to get to a toilet. How had he not cleaned himself up?

As he dabbed at the small scratch on the big bump on his head, Louis couldn't help but grin. He had left Hogwarts and the horrible rumours behind. It was time for a fresh start.

* * *

 _If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;_

 _If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;_

 _If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster_

 _And treat those two impostors just the same;_

 _If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken_

 _Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,_

 _Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,_

 _And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools._

* * *

Louis looked out of the glass window in his office. He could only see the sheets of rain. The small room was silent save for the tapping of the incessant droplets of water hitting the pane of glass over and over again.

He sighed. His eyes widened.

For the past few weeks, he had been trying desperately not to let that sigh escape. Through boardroom meetings, one on one chats with his supervisor, sorting through paperwork and weaving through people who shuffled their feet instead of walking. Who wore straight faces and gormless faces and tired faces instead of happy faces.

 _Stop._

He was being too honest with himself… He might as well continue. The Ministry was a terribly dull place to work.

He had dreamed of combatting crime, raiding homes for Dark objects… not sitting in a dreary office with four uniform walls that had only a painting by Dominique to break the continuity. Actually, it only emphasised the continuity.

A bell rang. It came everyday at one pm, signalling the time for lunch.

 _Same time, everyday._

Louis sighed again. Perhaps his lunch break would lighten up his day.

This time, as he walked through the ever-crowded Atrium, Louis shrunk away from everyone. It was almost as if he was terrified of catching a disease… He didn't want to be like them, with their worn out faces and satisfaction with such a dull life.

As it turned out, the new restaurant he had wanted to try today was closed. So it was back to the same old sandwich shop for him.

For some reason, stepping through the doorway felt like a loss.

He had worked so hard for this. Louis recalled waking up at his desk with ink all over one cheek when his OWLs were nearing. And when his NEWTs came around, Louis had flung himself into his studies, slipping into empty classrooms to avoid any conflict with Jacob and Maya or any of their friends. Then, there were the sleepless nights, the moments he wanted to pull his own hair out after the invigilator told him that his time was up—he'd still gotten an O in his Ancient Runes exam; however, the stress, anxiety and fear that built up that grade hardly seemed worth it now.

It just felt like a waste.

He was simply another cog in the Ministry machine. He was making no real change, and, more importantly, he wasn't making himself happy.

And so, from then on, Louis dreamed. In his small office, he would conjure up tall trees and twinkling stars. The four bleak walls would fall away to reveal the ocean, the woods and the mountains. It was truly breathtaking.

Each time a colleague knocked on his door to say goodnight, he was broken out of his reverie. And when he returned home in his crumpled suit, he would slump onto his bed. And then he would let the tears fall from his eyes, hoping that if enough collected, they would form the oceans in his dreams.

When he was called into his Head of Department's office, Louis held his breath. There was hope throwing itself against the cage of his ribs—hope that it wasn't bad news… hope that it was bad news. What was bad news?

If he had to continue working here, then he was sure that he would drive himself insane.

If he was fired, then he would be jobless and have no income.

If he did continue working here, he'd have a steady job.

If he didn't, then wouldn't he be free?

Whatever happened, Louis knew that he was going to have to build everything up all over again. He would not be able to continue like… this.

* * *

 _If you can make one heap of all your winnings_

 _And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,_

 _And lose, and start again at your beginnings_

 _And never breathe a word about your loss;_

 _If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew_

 _To serve your turn long after they are gone,_

 _And so hold on when there is nothing in you_

 _Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'_

* * *

Louis staggered into the casino that he had been frequenting more and more since that day.

 _"Mr Weasley, I'm sorry to say that we're going to have to let you go. Your professionalism has been slipping noticeably and you haven't been meeting your work quota."_

Louis remembered how the man sat opposite him gestured at his clothes before shaking his head and dismissing him from both the job and the room.

Louis emptied his pockets of Galleons, Knuts and Sickles—exchanging them for gambling chips. He had emptied his vault at Gringotts earlier that day. There was barely anything in there; he had barely anything to lose.

So he played… and he lost.

He left the establishment and sat on the pavement just outside, where roaring drunks and promiscuous young women passed him and encircled him. This was a more colourful life, but it was not the one for him.

Where was the life that was for him?

Louis struggled to his feet in search of the answer and yelped as he knocked into a blonde who stumbled back into a burly man's arms.

"Watch where you're going," growled the man.

"I'm sorry. I was looking for a meaningful life," answered Louis, sounding glum.

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say.

"Are you giving me cheek?" roared the man, releasing the blonde woman and charging towards him.

When he woke up, it was to stark white walls and a repetitive beeping sound… St Mungo's! He was in St Mungo's.

Why was he in St Mungo's?

Whatever the reason was, Louis could tell that it must have been serious if he was in his own room rather than in a ward with other people… and the excruciating pain that rang through him when he tried to move was another hint.

Events from the night before rushed through his mind and he bit his lip to stop a groan from escaping.

How could he have been so irresponsible?

What was he going to do now that he had no money?

Louis took a deep breath and thought…

 _I need to start again. I need to work hard and build up from where I lost control. I need to find work that I love—that I'm passionate about._

It was at that moment that the door to his room opened and in rushed his mother, her blonde hair swirling around her head and tears streaming down her cheeks. His father quickly followed with a similarly intense reaction and the two of them immediately launched into an aggressive interrogation.

Louis tried to cut them off with a, "I had a lot more drinks than I should have. It led to this. I've learnt my lesson so please don't worry about me doing this again."

Of course, that didn't deter them.

"What about your Gringotts account?" demanded his father.

At that, Louis felt his stomach drop. But he recovered quickly enough and answered, "I left my job. I got lazy and didn't look for a new one so I ran out of money. As soon as I'm out of here, I'll be job-searching again."

He could tell that his parents weren't fully satisfied, but they left the questioning there. Louis was grateful for it.

* * *

 _If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,_

 _Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,_

 _If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,_

 _If all men count with you, but none too much;_

 _If you can fill the unforgiving minute_

 _With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,_

* * *

Louis walked up to the podium and gripped the edges to hide his shaking hands. His Aunt Hermione smiled encouragingly from the audience of Ministry officials and important people. Taking a deep breath, he spoke:

"Ladies and gentlemen. I am the child of a woman who is part-Veela and a man who was attacked by a werewolf. My mother's part-Veela side passed down to me and so did my father's love for meat on the rare side.

"Growing up, girls and boys alike threw themselves at me. I'm not saying that to be conceited; they did. When I rejected them, they became angry at me. A lot of them took every opportunity to upset me or make me regret the decision. One person in particular managed to ostracise me from the rest of my house and year group, which led to me feeling isolated as an obvious consequence.

"That feeling of isolation followed me through to the world of work, where I found myself working a white-collar job. I became something of a nihilist, knowing I could be replaced by anyone and none would be the wiser. It also struck me just how unrewarding my work was… so I started to let myself slip.

"When I was called into my Head of Department's office, the news shouldn't have come as a shock. I expected it to be a relief. It wasn't.

"I slipped further and further, finding myself gambling away the last of my final paycheque and drinking more and more.

"It was one night when I had drank too much that I entered a casino and gave away the last savings from my vault. Moments later, I landed myself in St Mungo's after getting into an altercation with a man on the road just outside the casino.

"My parents were distraught. It was— _is_ an unimaginable feeling of guilt that tears through you when you see your parents so devastated. I gave them answers to their questions. I lied, of course.

"Who would want to tell their parents that they were a broke drunk?

"I am sure that the emotions running through me were amplified in my own parents hugely.

"After I was discharged from the hospital, I decided to try and find something to do. I was looking for something rewarding and something that strengthened me as a person.

"I was stuck. I had no idea!

"This first started to change after a family dinner, where I met my Aunt Hermione again after quite a while. When I heard her speaking about her work, it was with such a passion that I was immediately infatuated with her tales of the arduous journey to getting werewolves equal rights to wizards and her quest to bring a resolve to the conflict between goblins and wizards.

"After the dinner, I approached Aunt Hermione and decided to ask her more about her work. The more I heard about it, the more I wanted to be involved in it.

"It was one month after I began training with Aunt Hermione that I decided to open up to her about my experiences. She listened attentively, not snorting in derision at any teenage angst or my hopeless attitude. And the more she listened, the more I told.

"She convinced me to see a psy…chiatrist and I told them what I told Aunt Hermione… She told me that they would help me. By the end of my visit, it was concluded that I had 'depression'.

"Apparently, there's a big stigma attached to it in the Muggle world and barely anyone knows of its existence in the wizarding world.

"So I found my passion! I speak to people about this illness. I raise awareness of it and I help people to cope with it.

"It fills me with a satisfaction that no other job has and I count myself lucky for it."

Louis stepped down from the podium just in time for the thunderous applause and bowed as he exited, nodding at his Aunt Hermione, who looked rather teary-eyed.

As he entered the backstage area, his mother flew at him, wrapping him up in a warm hug. He felt someone else beside him and the strong, secure arms told him that his father had joined in. He allowed himself to melt into the embrace. A magnificently huge amount of relief flowed through his veins and he felt truly ecstatic.

"You were so brave," his father mumbled into his hair.

The amount of pride Louis could hear in his voice gratified him and he pulled out of the embrace, gripping his parents' hands instead.

"So were you," he managed to whisper before the tears fell and he was dragged back into the hug.

* * *

 _Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,_

 _And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!_


End file.
